Heard On A Plane

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax...OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in economy yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Go on, SMILE

Like Old Times

It was like old times tonight going home from work. The bad old times that is. Listening to traffic and travel about the roads that are closed due to security alerts. It made me think the places that were mention in the bulletin were in fact close to cop shops. "Right" I thought to myself, how can get home without having to go near theses alerts. I was doing quite well until I got to the Oldpark. car's turning ahead, that can only mean one thing. I was right. Police car across the road and of course the usual tape from lamp to lamp. I was nearly home. I thought I'd nip through Ardyone and loop back. All's going well yet again til I get into Etna Drive, and an old site brought a tear to my eye. There was a van smoldering at the end of the drive. (Memories)
I never stopped to take a photo for the blog, I'm sure you understand why.... But I found a picture of the said van on a news website

Norn Iron

Good old Norn Iron (Northern Ireland) a result of 3 - 2 against Poland. First time since 1991 they've beaten Poland. Pity the game had it's fair share of the mindless oil tankers, who were only there to cause trouble (Both sides) including the ficko who threw something (May have been his last remaining brain cell) at one of the officials. It was reported he was identified and expelled from the ground at half time. (I wonder did he get a smacked bottom?) as I sure our justice system will let him away with a "Who's a bad boy then"....

The final whistle had just been blown when I got the following text message.

Ticket £20, Program £5, Replica Shirt £38, Drink & Food £15

Watching Boruc making a complete arse of things......... PRICELESS

Time Springs Forward

Don't forget, this is the time of year we are in for another change in time. I'm sure you know of the old saying "Fall back and spring forward" Tonight (Well, 1am tomorrow morning to be precise) we put our clocks forward (Spring) -3600 seconds, or 60 minutes, or even 1 hour the choice is down to you. (But you'll still be transported in time to the next hour whichever you choose)

I heard on the News the WWF is having an Earth Hour tonight. I checked out there website to the headline "On Saturday 28 March 2009 at 8.30pm, people, businesses and iconic buildings around the world will switch off their lights for an hour – WWF’s Earth Hour"

I hate the dark, so I'm going to put off my Earth Hour until 1 am tomorrow morning then I'll not be left in the dark (Get it?)

Anyway, I was thinking what the hell do wrestlers know about climate change?

Manchester Stupnited Fan

As if the poor old Man U fans haven't had enough grief over the last few weeks. (Me being one) I read this article about a fan who did some cyber romancing on good old Bakebook, only to be..... (Well I'll let you read the article for yourself)
Though I think Stuart may have the last laugh at the end of the season..... COM ON THE DEVILS

Vision De-press

Left my prescription swimming goggles at the gym and no one handed them in. Now unless the squib who lifted them has the same bad eyesight as moi (Me) they are useless. The only good thing is he or she may bang their head because the end of the pool looks further away than it really is. Back to the story... I went around to Vision Express and ordered a new pair.. They had the lens in but not the rubber seals that fit around them. I was told it would take three days and they would phone me when they are in... I phoned today (11 days later) "Yes they're ready"... I walked to collect them.. I asked the girl where the rubber eye seals are? "There in the bag" she said. Back at the office I thought I'd fit the seals (As the lazy people never) THE SEALS ARE NOT IN THE BAG...
On the phone again, I'm told (After having to wait) "There's a set here".. I said they can stay there I'm coming back and I would like my money back... My parting words were class..
"I should have gone to Specsavers"... lol

Put The Mockers On

Have you ever heard the saying "Put the mockers on?". Well not only have I heard it but I experienced the saying and it's effects today. Someone past comment about having problems with my vehicle on the way home. I said "Oh don't put the scud on" (Same thing as mockers)
It happened. Had fuel problems and held up a couple of hours... THANKS A BUNDLE.....

Mother's Day

Thought I'd treat my LSD with breakfast in bed (Including a glass of buck fizz) seeing it's Mother's Day. As an extra treat I thought I'd take the new Ikea cooker hood out of it's box so she could fit it when she gets up out of bed.
Only joking.
(She can leave it to next weekend)

Quote Of The Day

My little swamp duck and I settled down to watch the Rugby (Wales v Ireland) I have never known her to be so engrossed in a rugby game before. Boy did she will the Irish on. The quote of the day came as Tommy Bowe crossed the line in between the posts for Irelands second try.... My little swamp duck (Bless her) Shouts........GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Seat Guru

I'm sure those of you who travel by air have visited SeatGuru at sometime or other to check out which are the best (And worse) seats on the aircraft you intent to travel on. I was thinking of starting it for our lovely public transport system. Though, no mater which bus you are herded onto, one seat is as uncomfortable as the next. But the seats you really want to avoid are the ones that face the rear of the bus. You can guarantee some squib has stuck his big dirty kebs up on them. I caught the 06.50 bus this morning and just had to sit at the rear to get this photo for my blog.

IKEA HELL

IKEA the word that strikes fear into my heart... I had to go to collect a cooker hood my little swamp duck had been waiting on for over a month. They had three in stock (Or so they said) so off I went.
After negotiating my way through evening traffic and trying to avoid vehicles driven by Ignoranus's (That's persons who are both stupid and an a*s*oles) and there were plenty out.
Anyway, arrived at IKEA and the car park was reasonably empty. (Happy days I thought)
Into flat pack hell I went to be met by a person who instructed me to go to the checkout, pay for the item I wanted, then wait at the collection point for my order. (Happy days I thought)
Made my way to the checkout and wow, how the hell did all these people get here with so little cars in the car park. Anyway, queued up, waited my turn to be told by the person at the checkout "You've to go to the kitchen area and pay for the item then go to the collection point" etc etc. AGGGHHHHH... Off I went (Wish I'd my sat nav with me) it's a maze. Eventually I found the kitchen area waited my turn and the person said "I check if it's in stock" my heart dropped.
But it was, I paid for it, collected it, brought it home, It can stay in the box for now....

Sporting Weekend

What a great weekend of sport. Yesterday I had to endure some shopping before being released to go to a local drinking well to watch the Man U v Liverpool game. After reading Wayne's comments (In the morning papers) of what he was going to do to the pool, my excitement was unreal. Remember the time you actually found out there was no Santa?, well, that's what it was like watching the match. Liverpool were fantastic, at one stage someone in the bar bumped into the TV and half the United team fell over.. enough of that game.
Today came the Old Firm cup final... If that's the two best teams in Scotland, I'm glad I follow the Crues.
Rugby... after yesterday and yet another Irish win it came England's turn to play, I have to say it was great to see them beating the French... I just hope we don't have to endure the next 30 years being reminded of the win..
All on the game next week with Wales, I think the boys from the Isle will be victorious......

North Belfast Champagne

After the shock of watching Manchester Stupid losing to the Pool I had to break open a tin of North Belfast Champagne to soften the blow. Oh woe is me... (Not really) Win of lose they never think of me....

I even added a strawberry to make it even more classy

Friday The 13th

No, it's not the horror film I'm on about. Do you feel any fear when the dreaded (By many) day looms. Friday the 13th, whats so bad about that date. There is a guy I know who refuse's to leave the safety of his four walls and always takes the day off work. If it's going to happen it WILL happen. I think it's a bonus no mater what day it is if we can open our eye's and climb out of bed (Unless the bed is positioned beside a cliff that is) Someone else told me their friend is flying to the USA today. I did point out the old saying "You'll not go before your time" then I thought what happens if it's the pilot time?
I don't mind the 13th, whatever date it falls on.

YES, I'M BACK