Saturday, 29 August 2009

New Pledge of Allegiance (USA)

Recieved an email from a friend in the USA with the following text... In my opinion it's worth a read.
Written by a 15 yr. old School Kid in Ohio:
New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME!)
Since the Pledge of Allegiance & The Lords Prayer Are not allowed in Schools anymore because the word 'God' is mentioned...

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom thing..
The law is specific, the law is precise...
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
We can carry smut, but not the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot;
My soul please take! ......Amen

Well? what do you think?

Friday, 28 August 2009

Countdown To Christmas

Looks like Christmas is just around the corner, the countdown has started and is up and running on the Internet. While I was channel flicking on the TV, I even saw a Christmas sale on one of the shopping channels...


Thursday, 27 August 2009

Joke Of The Day

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Eddie, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Eddie says, "I feel just like a newborn baby. "

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Strictly Dung Dancing

OH NO that time again! Got my TV untuned in case I mistakenly tuned into the X Factor (Can't stand the judges) and now Strictly has risen it's head, it's not the dancers I dislike, I just think it time they retired Brucie and the judges. They do my head in.... Thank goodness for DVD's ........

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Britain's Most Romantic Husband

I'm sure my LSD thinks that me, but I read this web page and it looks like it's Tom from North Wales.. (Fair play to you sir)
Like Tom, a kiss first thing in the morning and last thing at night is a daily routine for me and I always wipe the mirror straight after..
I can say though I never go to sleep with an argument open.... I stay up and fight the bitch alnight if I have too....

Only joking..

Thursday, 20 August 2009

The Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Old Folks Home and the amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from many Senior Homes to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family five or six Generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch .' The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the Floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
'Shit,' said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Old Folks Home

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Dont Talk To Strangers

How often have you said that to your children, (If you have any that is) but yet at some event's you actually encourage you offspring to do just that. Take Christmas for instance. Some old fat boy in a red suit sitting on a chair and I have had first hand experience of seeing parents forcing, yes forcing their sprogs onto fat boy's knee so they can get a photo for the album.
Do we really know who the hell is inside the suit? The reason I thought I'd blog on this brings me back to the Tall Shits (Oops Ships)
This good old friendly bear (Photo) was walking around shaking hands, patting kids on heads and getting hugs. Later the same bear was observed (By not only myself but by a couple of my work colleagues) going into a public portable toilet marked disabled, along with its two young female handlers. The trio stayed in the loo for at least 40 minutes before leaving. (I suppose to shake more hands and pat more heads) What were they doing in the den for that length of time?. your guess is as good as mine.

Hug the bear, NO BLOODY WAY...

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

No More Tall Ships

Listening to the news today I heard that Belfast is fighting to get the Tall Ships back. I broke into a cold sweat... until I heard, not for another nine years.... Phew...
I'll either be retired or dead by then... (lucky break me thinks)

Monday, 17 August 2009

More Ships

Belfast Port is becoming a regular stop for passing cruise liners (Passing to where I've no Idea) This Princess monster was at the Pollock Dock, so I ventured to get a snap.I read on the website that it will be leaving it's berth at 20:00 (8pm) so I got down to the port for around 19:30 and the shit had gone... just a speck on the horizon .... it's in again bank holiday weekend so may be I'll get a shot of her at sea..... (Here's hoping)

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Sail Away

At last, the ships are gone. Four days of this nautical festival are finally over. I almost shed a tear as I spotted the arse end (Stern) of the last vessel sailing off into the distance. Looking back over the four days I'm sure the crowds who attended spent a fortune. Trying to get something to eat or drink was like a task out of the Krypton Factor, only the smart won the race to the till. I'm sure all the catering staff at the event got fed up with joe public. I found a great spot for coffee in the form of a stall set up by The Street. It was always easier to go to the stall rather than queue in their cafe. What I didn't like was the milk sat in a big open jug on a table set aside from the stall for all who wanted to, spit, flick their bogies or drop anything of their choice into the jug. I asked each time for a coffee with milk and watched as the milk came out of a covered container from behind the stall. Today was the first time I was told "You get the milk from the jug" I said "I don't think so, I want it from the covered container"... (I got the look of death, and the milk from the container)

Everything was so costly, one of the night returning to the Giant's Park (park n ride) an ice cream van was waiting and I heard a 99 call out to me so I had to have one. £1.50 for a bog standard ice cream cone (Poke) with a bottom of the range chocolate flake stuck into it. I admit it was nice.

By the way, Giant's Park is the main council dump......

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Boats R Us Day 3

The weather was fantastic all day, brought the people out yet again.. Everyone seemed to be in great form (Which is something new for this place) Lots of music today in the form of a band of the Sea Cadets, which I have to say were fantastic. BBC Radio Ulster had more outside broadcasts today and more presenters playing music after the station was off the air.. loads to entertain the crowds.

In the afternoon there was a record breaking attempt to see if Belfast could gather over 1500 Pirates in the one place... Think I saw about 50... hard luck guys... so many people did put a lot of effort into the Captain Jack Sparrow look but I don't think it was very well publicised, pity someone hadn't flooded facebook with the idea, I recon there's not much chance of using the Internet on the "Black Pearl" (If you know what I mean)
Lots of demonstrations from the various emergency services like the Ambulance service attending the countless number of people taking ill at the event, the PSNI enforcing the "It's our way or no way rule" The NI Fire Service showed what to do in the event of a chip pan fire, they also had a make up car accident.... What I did notice was the location of it... right in front of the fairground dodgems..... well it was Cullens dodgems

Friday, 14 August 2009

I See Tall Ships

I even saw tall ships in my dreams last night... Day 2 down at the port started off with a rain and more rain. The place turned into an umbrella hell. For the second day in a row I tried to get a good view of the ships. Yesterday it was the vast crowd that made it totally impossible for me to get around all the ships in the little time I had, today it was made impossible because of the huge amount of umbrellas on show to keep ye old blue rinse intact.... I had my face poked with them and nearly had an eye poked out, my fault of course for not having a cattle prod with me...
I did see a little bit of fund raising genius. It came from the crew of the "Jolie Brise 1913" This tall ship had broken part of a mast in a storm while crossing the Atlantic. The crew needed to raise funds to pay for the repair. The were sawing the broken mast into pieces and asking for a minimum donation of £2 to own a piece of the mast. The Jolie Brise is reported to be the oldest tall ship in the race....
I have an old broken Alegro? wonder could I pull the same stunt???

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Ahoy There

The Tall Ships have arrived... A cannon going off signaled the start of the four day celebrations.
Tried to walk around to see the ships today (Along with thousands of other people) space is little and if you have the time to queue for ages for the burger or other food that's on sale and pay the hyped up price this is the place to be.
I even bought an ice cream from one of the many vans at £1.50 for a 99, was it worth it?....nah....
Wait and go late, you may be entertained by some drunks I saw, I even had to explain to a guy where the portaloos are as he was urinating into a hedge feet from the main road... (Filth bag) ... and that was at 8.30pm... whats the place going to be like later on.......

Wednesday, 12 August 2009


I know we're not Brazil we're Norn Ireland... BUT.. we are still part of the UK, so why on the main BBC Sport web site did I have to search the depths of the site to find out what the score was when the English and Scottish scores were highlighted on the the index page. ???????

Oh, by the way the game ended in a 1-1 draw

Tuesday, 11 August 2009


I never liked the term Baby P. The child's name was Peter, may he rest in peace. Unless you have been out of this universe you will know the story behind this poor baby (Peter had more than 50 injuries, including fractured ribs and a broken back, when he was found dead in a property in Penshurst Road, Tottenham, in August 2007)
What my post is about today, is the possibility (According to BBC News Website)
is, read the quote. "The notoriety of the Baby Peter case is such that all three convicted people are likely to be given new identities upon release to protect them from vigilante attacks, according to the probation union Napo"

Listen to what the paramedics who attended the house had to say.......

Released from prison and given new identities?... A life sentence should mean life in prison, in cases such as this.... (In my opinion)

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Credit Card Fraud

This was part of an email I received today regarding Credit Card Fraud,.... Do you check your cards?

A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.. The bill for the meal came, he signed it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along. Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person. He called the waitress and she looked perplexed. She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man. All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card. No exchange of words --- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology.
Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.. Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be theirs... FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Drug Scum

How can this government expect a drop in the drugs related crime when they go out of their way to accommodate the scum that walk our earth pedaling drugs and then expect help when the shit hits the fan. This week they (The Government) put their arse out of joint to help a convicted pregnant Briton jailed on drugs charges in Laos to get home to the UK to finish serving her sentence. She is alleged to have laughed when she got off the plane, and is it any wonder?
God bless her unborn child, but I bet I have more concern for the child than she does.
These drugs, cause death, destruction and heartache to many families across the world. So why should our taxes be used to help these drug carriers..... Let them rot in jail in whichever country they are convicted in .... (In my opinion)
The government help this scum while our troops are sent into conflict in all parts of the world' and are put in danger because of the financial restraints imposed on military chiefs...
Yeah it's the right thing to do, lets spend money to help the drug scum....... Roll on the next election.....

Retire @ 70

Just saw the morning news. Some bright spark recons we will have to work until we are 70 before we get our state pension. Since I left school I've work 40 years up to now and thank goodness I'm still working, paid my taxes, national insurance, and still get taxed on things I buy with the money I've already been taxed on, and now I may have to work a lot more years before I can retire... (Don't you just love the government?) I've a two step approach to sort this out.

STEP 1: Let the workers retire and collect their state pension at 60, to give them time to enjoy whats left of life....

STEP 2: Get the benefit cheats (Which are many) off their arses and team them up with the Jailbirds and get them to do the WORK.....

I bet it would even work out cheaper for the powers to be.........

At Last Sun

Wow, yesterday was a lovely day.. at last some sun. I went walking in the country and would have loved to have taken photos of old boy racers as they flew down the country roads, but I was too busy diving into the hedges avoiding them. Why do people think it's only the young that race?.... but it was a beautiful day anyway.... Just look at the blue sky over this new development in County Antrim.

Friday, 7 August 2009

Bus Stop Parking

Have you ever been driving behind a bus when it just stops directly in front of you to pick passengers up, instead of pulling into a stop first. Nine times out of ten it's because some donkey orifice has had no thought for either the bus or the people waiting to board. Think of the difficulty pensioners, mothers and toddlers and people with mobility problems have when the bus cannot get to the kerb.
I was on our good old public transport today and travelling up the Antrim Road, saw this van parked not just at a bus stop but very nearly on it. I would normally smudge out identification marks of vehicles, but this time I thought I'd leave it......

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Hi Ho Silver...

For those of you who are old enough to remember The Lone Ranger will also remember his (What would be known today as a catchphrase) Hi Ho Silver Away....
I promised my LSD I would finish off painting the kitchen tonight, all that is still to be done is the sliver edging around the ceiling. I went to get the paint and I felt like the Lone Ranger... I shouted ,,, Hi No Silver... I live to paint another day... (After a visit to B&Q to buy new paint that is)....

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Livingston FC

1974 - 2009 .... Looks like my favorite Scottish football club Livingston is going down the tubes, reason money (Or the lack of it should I say). Many a time I travelled home and away to games (When I say home I mean Livingston in West Lothian, or Hamunaptra to those who know the place well) A great family club were I made lots of friends over the years and I have to say I'm sorry to hear of the clubs financial crisis.
I was on their website to find out what the latest bizz was and noticed that the main advertisement is for....well, I'll let you see for yourself......

Debt Advisory.... I wonder did they give them a call ???????

Monday, 3 August 2009

Shopping Games

While I'm out shopping with my little swamp duck I would normally entertain myself by people watching. Yesterday we were out at Forestside and M&S got a visit... I got bored with "What do you think of this, what do you think of that" (Not that it ever maters what I think)... Anyway, as I said "I got bored" walking around ladies fashions mostly filled by the blue rinse brigade.. I thought I'd have a bit of fun by a huge mirror, I lifted a skirt off a nearby rail and held it against myself in front of the mirror, I gave it the up, down side to side look with a wow look on my bake.
The look on the faces of close by BRB members was just priceless.... Happy days a new shopping game to play now, may try footwear next. (Bring on the stilettos)

Sunday, 2 August 2009

Oh What A Gay Day

Went into the city centre yesterday for some shopping and lunch. The annual gay pride parade was taking place so I thought I'd check it out as there should be lots of colour. The PSNI were out in force (No, not in the parade) I asked a PSNI officer what time the parade would pass and he said "Who knows" (On the ball or what) Anyway, heard the whistles and vehicle horns blowing and spotted the parade coming so I said to the same PSNI officer "Here they come now" (Just in case he wasn't sure) Colourful it was, some lorry's and trailers decorated and loads of people waving and blowing whistles from the trailers, people walking around with signs saying things like Free Hugs (I never asked for one in case you were wondering) The parade lasted around 15 minutes with lots of the Saturday shoppers watching on, some with their approving smiles and some with their disapproving growls, others just went on about their business...
I always have my camera with me and I love to see carnival like parades in the city centre (Orange, Green or Pink, I don't care what colour) There was lots of colour in this parade but I have to say there was the odd one who spoiled the day by either carrying a rude sign (In my opinion) or displaying a rude gesture.. Does their cause no good....
Oh yes and there was the odd dog in the parade... (Woof woof type that is)