The Return Flight

Thought I'd treat you to a wee taste of the return flight. Never added any music (Copyright etc) The take off and flight were good but the approach and landing, well lets just say the jury's out on that one (Coming in up the lough is a bit windy at the best of times) but I wasn't sure if we had landed or were shot down..... lol ... only joking it was fine. I've also put this video up unto YouTube (Grumpyhead55)

A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport..A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.He decides because she 's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for,thereby impressing her greatly.He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'.
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto
'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries one last time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
"Going beyond expectations.
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the fec do you want?'

'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face................... "Ryanair"

Budget Transport

I'm sure like me you have used so called budget airlines at sometime. Last Saturday LSD and I traveled to London Stansted on the first flight out with Ryanair. Flight left at 06:30 which meant we were up out of bed around 04:30. Got our seats on the flight and I thought for the first time ever I'd have something to eat on the flight. I ordered two breakfast baps (For me and my lsd) at a cost of £5 each. The drinks trolley came around and I ordered a diet coke (£1:80) for a tiny tin and was told the baps would be another ten minutes. They arrived within two, my lsd said to me that her breakfast bap was cold in the centre. I bit into mine to find the omlette was still frozen in the middle. (I nearly boaked) I called the steward down and pointed out the fact that both were inedible. "I'll reheat them" he said. (Not even an offer of two fresh ones. No you won't, I'd like a refund. He said they can't give refunds and that I'd have to write to Customer Services in Dublin. I asked him for proof of purchase and that too was beyond him. So, I'd written the fact on my boarding sheet and asked him to sign it, he refused. Then as if magic he returned with a receipt. Strange that isn't it.



(Lesson learnt)

New Drink

I frequently research the Internet for new things to add to my ever growing list of foods I can eat and drink to help me in my new life style,of the reduced me.
I found a mention of a new fizzy drink online, but I'm not sure if they do a light/diet version of it. Check it out in case you can help?

21 Lines To Make You Smile

1.. My Wife and I divorced over religious differences,she thought she was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot - - Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
16. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
17. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
18. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
19. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
20. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
21.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!

Sore Bum Bum

Nearly wrecked myself at the swimming pool this week. I had made a little promise to myself that when (And if) I started blogging again I wouldn't mention anything about my weight loss, well I think this is funny. I'd been at the pool for my daily swim, when it came time for me to get out, my path (Watery as it was) was occupied by a lot of tourists. Me being from Gods own area of this wonderful Island, didn't want to be ignorant by forcing my way through to the steps. (The steps being the ladder out of the pool) I have always found this the easiest way to exit the pool as leaving via the pool edge (because of my bulk) took a lot of upper body strength and about three attempts. But needs must so I got myself in the frame of mind and went for it, back to the edge, arms bent and a power lift. I used the same power as I would have before I lost the seven and a half stone. To my surprise I shot out of the water like a penguin being chased by a killer whale. I landed full force on my arse at the side of the pool (Wonder has that ever happened to a penguin?, no not at the pool) I thought my tail bone was broken to the amusement of the ones who just happened to be watching. I tried the same move yesterday with the same result.
Perhaps I'm just getting stronger...

Soccer

I'm sure it's the same in most sports, but the hate between fans of soccer in my opinion, would be at the top. We are into the closing stages of the champions league and my facebook has become a place of taunt between some of my friends who follow Liverpool FC / Manchester United .... They even went as far as using the application "The Teams I Hate With A Passion ". Now that's sad, even for them. The word HATE is described in the Oxford Dictionary as:

• verb feel intense dislike for or a strong aversion towards.
• noun 1 intense dislike; strong aversion. 2 informal a disliked person or thing. 3 before a noun denoting hostile actions motivated by intense dislike or prejudice: a hate campaign.
— DERIVATIVES hatable (also hateable) adjective hater noun.

Don't get me wrong, I like soccer, and I have the teams I prefer, but in all honesty, I can't say I hate any of the others. If my teams win or lose (They sometimes lose) it makes no difference in my life whatsoever. So I just don't understand the problem. I think some people just love to get annoyed, they look for stuff to offended them. The idea of paying mega pennies in travel, gate tickets etc, just to go along and watch soccer, get my blood pressure to boiling point, ruin my day if my team is beaten, just does not appeal to me.
Do you think for one moment that the superstars of these teams, who are getting paid mega pennies (Thanks to you and people like you) worry about how our lives are effected by their off days when they have a bad game and are beaten, especially when they drive home in their top of the range sports car to their luxury pad? (I don't think so) ...... Think about it....

Weekend Report

You may think a weekend report is a bit late on a Monday night, well, I can tell you I've had no time to blog until now. The weekend started for me on Friday lunch time. I had a half day and organised for my Son In Law to meet me for lunch. The Street was the venue for lunch and we had a sandwich before going for an afternoon social drink. RGB @ the Park Inn was the place I wanted him to see. I'd been in there before for a quick one (Drink) so fancied a relaxing one or two. As we walked through the bar I pointed out the big comfy chairs where I wished to plant my rear on. S-I-L sat down and I went to the bar to order. I was alone at the bar with a member of staff sorting glasses. I stood for four minutes before she grabbed a tray and went off to collect more dirty glasses. On her return she continued to ignore me so I had to say "Excuse me, are you closed" She said she never saw me. (Collecting the wrong glasses I thought). I asked for two small bottles of red to which she told me "We have none" .. I just got S-I-L and left. Morrison's here we come. We were joined later by our swamp ducks and it was planned to go out for dinner. Byblos (No web link earned) was the chosen venue when we got there we were told (And not in a very polite way may I add) we couldn't have a table as they were fully booked. I could only see two tables with anyone at them and loads of empty tables. They just didn't want our business it seems. I did say to the woman who didn't want our money, "It's no wonder small businesses go down the tubes turning away ready business" If they don't, I can say it wont be with the help of my money. I'll not be back.

Olio's got our money and well worth a visit, the meal was fantastic. I'll be back

The rest of the weekend went great.......

Security Alert

Another security alert has just been cleared in West Belfast. A suspicious object was spotted inside a parked car.
It was declared safe after the object turned out to be a tax disc.

Animal Rights

Now I'm all for animal right but I do believe we have to draw the line when a police officer was sent to investigate a complaint about a dormouse awoken out or it's hibernation for a photo shoot. Read the news...
Never mind the crime on our streets as long as the dormouse gets his or her kip.. (Sleep)
Wonder is this just a April Fool?

Talking about mice. The early bird may get the worm, but it's always the second mouse that gets the cheese.. (Think about it)

Heard On A Plane

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax...OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in economy yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Go on, SMILE

Like Old Times

It was like old times tonight going home from work. The bad old times that is. Listening to traffic and travel about the roads that are closed due to security alerts. It made me think the places that were mention in the bulletin were in fact close to cop shops. "Right" I thought to myself, how can get home without having to go near theses alerts. I was doing quite well until I got to the Oldpark. car's turning ahead, that can only mean one thing. I was right. Police car across the road and of course the usual tape from lamp to lamp. I was nearly home. I thought I'd nip through Ardyone and loop back. All's going well yet again til I get into Etna Drive, and an old site brought a tear to my eye. There was a van smoldering at the end of the drive. (Memories)
I never stopped to take a photo for the blog, I'm sure you understand why.... But I found a picture of the said van on a news website

Norn Iron

Good old Norn Iron (Northern Ireland) a result of 3 - 2 against Poland. First time since 1991 they've beaten Poland. Pity the game had it's fair share of the mindless oil tankers, who were only there to cause trouble (Both sides) including the ficko who threw something (May have been his last remaining brain cell) at one of the officials. It was reported he was identified and expelled from the ground at half time. (I wonder did he get a smacked bottom?) as I sure our justice system will let him away with a "Who's a bad boy then"....

The final whistle had just been blown when I got the following text message.

Ticket £20, Program £5, Replica Shirt £38, Drink & Food £15

Watching Boruc making a complete arse of things......... PRICELESS

Time Springs Forward

Don't forget, this is the time of year we are in for another change in time. I'm sure you know of the old saying "Fall back and spring forward" Tonight (Well, 1am tomorrow morning to be precise) we put our clocks forward (Spring) -3600 seconds, or 60 minutes, or even 1 hour the choice is down to you. (But you'll still be transported in time to the next hour whichever you choose)

I heard on the News the WWF is having an Earth Hour tonight. I checked out there website to the headline "On Saturday 28 March 2009 at 8.30pm, people, businesses and iconic buildings around the world will switch off their lights for an hour – WWF’s Earth Hour"

I hate the dark, so I'm going to put off my Earth Hour until 1 am tomorrow morning then I'll not be left in the dark (Get it?)

Anyway, I was thinking what the hell do wrestlers know about climate change?

Manchester Stupnited Fan

As if the poor old Man U fans haven't had enough grief over the last few weeks. (Me being one) I read this article about a fan who did some cyber romancing on good old Bakebook, only to be..... (Well I'll let you read the article for yourself)
Though I think Stuart may have the last laugh at the end of the season..... COM ON THE DEVILS

Vision De-press

Left my prescription swimming goggles at the gym and no one handed them in. Now unless the squib who lifted them has the same bad eyesight as moi (Me) they are useless. The only good thing is he or she may bang their head because the end of the pool looks further away than it really is. Back to the story... I went around to Vision Express and ordered a new pair.. They had the lens in but not the rubber seals that fit around them. I was told it would take three days and they would phone me when they are in... I phoned today (11 days later) "Yes they're ready"... I walked to collect them.. I asked the girl where the rubber eye seals are? "There in the bag" she said. Back at the office I thought I'd fit the seals (As the lazy people never) THE SEALS ARE NOT IN THE BAG...
On the phone again, I'm told (After having to wait) "There's a set here".. I said they can stay there I'm coming back and I would like my money back... My parting words were class..
"I should have gone to Specsavers"... lol

Put The Mockers On

Have you ever heard the saying "Put the mockers on?". Well not only have I heard it but I experienced the saying and it's effects today. Someone past comment about having problems with my vehicle on the way home. I said "Oh don't put the scud on" (Same thing as mockers)
It happened. Had fuel problems and held up a couple of hours... THANKS A BUNDLE.....

Mother's Day

Thought I'd treat my LSD with breakfast in bed (Including a glass of buck fizz) seeing it's Mother's Day. As an extra treat I thought I'd take the new Ikea cooker hood out of it's box so she could fit it when she gets up out of bed.
Only joking.
(She can leave it to next weekend)

Quote Of The Day

My little swamp duck and I settled down to watch the Rugby (Wales v Ireland) I have never known her to be so engrossed in a rugby game before. Boy did she will the Irish on. The quote of the day came as Tommy Bowe crossed the line in between the posts for Irelands second try.... My little swamp duck (Bless her) Shouts........GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Seat Guru

I'm sure those of you who travel by air have visited SeatGuru at sometime or other to check out which are the best (And worse) seats on the aircraft you intent to travel on. I was thinking of starting it for our lovely public transport system. Though, no mater which bus you are herded onto, one seat is as uncomfortable as the next. But the seats you really want to avoid are the ones that face the rear of the bus. You can guarantee some squib has stuck his big dirty kebs up on them. I caught the 06.50 bus this morning and just had to sit at the rear to get this photo for my blog.

IKEA HELL

IKEA the word that strikes fear into my heart... I had to go to collect a cooker hood my little swamp duck had been waiting on for over a month. They had three in stock (Or so they said) so off I went.
After negotiating my way through evening traffic and trying to avoid vehicles driven by Ignoranus's (That's persons who are both stupid and an a*s*oles) and there were plenty out.
Anyway, arrived at IKEA and the car park was reasonably empty. (Happy days I thought)
Into flat pack hell I went to be met by a person who instructed me to go to the checkout, pay for the item I wanted, then wait at the collection point for my order. (Happy days I thought)
Made my way to the checkout and wow, how the hell did all these people get here with so little cars in the car park. Anyway, queued up, waited my turn to be told by the person at the checkout "You've to go to the kitchen area and pay for the item then go to the collection point" etc etc. AGGGHHHHH... Off I went (Wish I'd my sat nav with me) it's a maze. Eventually I found the kitchen area waited my turn and the person said "I check if it's in stock" my heart dropped.
But it was, I paid for it, collected it, brought it home, It can stay in the box for now....

Sporting Weekend

What a great weekend of sport. Yesterday I had to endure some shopping before being released to go to a local drinking well to watch the Man U v Liverpool game. After reading Wayne's comments (In the morning papers) of what he was going to do to the pool, my excitement was unreal. Remember the time you actually found out there was no Santa?, well, that's what it was like watching the match. Liverpool were fantastic, at one stage someone in the bar bumped into the TV and half the United team fell over.. enough of that game.
Today came the Old Firm cup final... If that's the two best teams in Scotland, I'm glad I follow the Crues.
Rugby... after yesterday and yet another Irish win it came England's turn to play, I have to say it was great to see them beating the French... I just hope we don't have to endure the next 30 years being reminded of the win..
All on the game next week with Wales, I think the boys from the Isle will be victorious......

North Belfast Champagne

After the shock of watching Manchester Stupid losing to the Pool I had to break open a tin of North Belfast Champagne to soften the blow. Oh woe is me... (Not really) Win of lose they never think of me....

I even added a strawberry to make it even more classy

Friday The 13th

No, it's not the horror film I'm on about. Do you feel any fear when the dreaded (By many) day looms. Friday the 13th, whats so bad about that date. There is a guy I know who refuse's to leave the safety of his four walls and always takes the day off work. If it's going to happen it WILL happen. I think it's a bonus no mater what day it is if we can open our eye's and climb out of bed (Unless the bed is positioned beside a cliff that is) Someone else told me their friend is flying to the USA today. I did point out the old saying "You'll not go before your time" then I thought what happens if it's the pilot time?
I don't mind the 13th, whatever date it falls on.

YES, I'M BACK

The Last Post.....

I think the blog has run it's course and I've deiced to call it a day.
This will be my last post, It's been fun to do, but I've reached a stage where I need to step back and think of something new.

Thanks to all.... GH

Smashing Start To 2009

Oh dear, saw 2008 out and 2009 in with a glass of Cava (Classy or what, the Buckfast was finished) in my favorite champagne flute (Which my Son and Daughter in Law bought me) My LSD and I had watched the fireworks over our city and I did comment "Gone are the days (Thank God) were I use to wait on hearing the first explosion of the new year" How wonderful it is now (And has been for a lot of years) were the only bangs we hear are from fireworks.... Getting back to the Cava, I had just finished and set my flute (Champagne) on the table, reached down to let the recliner of the sofa out, hit the table and as if in slow motion away the flute went floorwards.. (Wooden floorward that is) I tried to grab it, but it was just out of reach. I can't believe how many pieces it smashed into... (About 2009 I recon) Got the usual "See you with drink in yee" It was a sober accident.. Honest

Need to replace it though, I did really like it.... Sorry R&L